my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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