All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
