i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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