She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
