WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
