Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
