Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
