are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you guys were way drunker than both of me
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
