Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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