Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
