youre lurking in front of me
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
