I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize