This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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