So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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