I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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