Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
