Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
