I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
