he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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