is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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