The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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