the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
