It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
