Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
