I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Randomize
