If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a kid would responsible me up
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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