I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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