happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
birth control should be required to get into college
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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