you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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