sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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