So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
