i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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