if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
