Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
