she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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