Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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