I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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