We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she looked like the before picture.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
