I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
