Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Sorry my hands just texted you
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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