it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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