Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
