There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
