he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
