new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize