Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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