That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
