Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
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