tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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