I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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