Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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