I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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