i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
