That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
