Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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