Christians are straight up FREAKS
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
