You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
