This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
